Check out: http://thepirateprincess.blogspot.com/2013/04/our-inner-child.htm. I have mentioned a little bit about myself in this post entitled "Our Inner Child," as well as explain my love for both pirates and princesses.
My Interests:
Other then my love for pirates and princesses, I have interests in cooking and baking, health and wellness, learning, music, Disney, couponing, making my own personal care products and makeup, cats, thrift stores, crystals, etc. One of my biggest objectives in life is to practice being as self-sustaining as possible. That includes homesteading, practicing frugality, and even being spiritually and energetically self-sustaining. I like to look at things this way: If our forefathers, such as the early settlers or Native Americans, could live without it or find a way to make it themselves, then so can I. I have yet to practice that objective completely, but it is not about the destination, it's about the journey. That's why it's called a "practice."My other lifestyle practices include a plant based and gluten free diet, yoga, conscious (ethical) consumerism, and advocating for self love and against bullying.
My Story:
I frequently use the quote by Pearl Arredondo, "Everybody has a story, everybody has a struggle, and everybody needs help along the way." The pages of my story contain bullying, cyber school, gastrointestinal problems, and so much more. I felt alone throughout my struggle. I felt like I was the only one going through what I was going through and that no one else understood. But I was wrong.
Recently I graduated from Agora Cyber Charter School, which I transferred to my sophomore year of high school. Part of my motivation for creating this blog was due to my journey to, and through, cyber school. After my start at cyber school, I discovered that I wasn't alone, and that some people were going through very similar struggles. My past story and struggle have ended and it is time for me to turn my mess into my message and be that "help along the way" for someone else.
So what exactly is my story? Since there are many different factors, and I know how daunting it is to see a post that never seems to end, I have broken it down to make it a little easier for you to read.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS):
In the late Winter/early Spring of 2012, I started experiencing gastrointestinal symptoms. It started with not feeling well after eating. I would have extreme and painful bowel movements within minutes of eating anything. When I attended a traditional school, I would have to go to the nurses office right after my lunch period. Shortly after that, I began to go through a cycle of having extreme constipation or extreme diarrhea. It was either one or the other. There was no happy medium. The constipation would last for weeks and would hurt. I began to buy larger clothes to accommodate my protruding constipation belly and my sweat pant collection grew rapidly due to my discomfort. After a few weeks of constipation, I would have an intense attack of diarrhea. It would solve the constipation problem, but it would be very painful and my intestines would hurt for days afterwards often causing me to be unable to stand up.
After multiple unsuccessful trips to my family doctor, I did some research online and discovered that sometimes your body has a hard time digesting the enzymes in meat, which can result in very similar symptoms. I figured that it was worth a shot, so that January I became a vegetarian. At first, the diet change helped. My bowel movements became somewhat normal for a while and I began to feel better. But after two or three weeks, my symptoms returned. A few months and a few more unsuccessful doctors appointments passed and I continued to suffer from these incessant symptoms.
I have always been lactose intolerant. Throughout my childhood, I would run straight to the bathroom after consuming anything containing dairy. When we went out to dinner, we would have to plan to be at the restaurant for two or three hours due to my lactose intolerance and bathroom runs. At this point, I was desperate to feel better so in May of 2012, I gave up dairy and became a "part-time vegan." I refrained from eating dairy or animal products with the exception of eggs, raw honey, and fresh seafood. I noticed improvement in my symptoms almost immediately. I could go to a restaurant with my family and only spend and hour or so. However a few weeks later my symptoms returned yet again.
In June, I was finally referred to a gastroenterologist and I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I was told that there was no treatment or cure and that I had to live with it. I was also told that it was stress and anxiety induced (which I had experienced a lot with school) and that a lot of my symptoms were physiological, so I should consider seeing a psychologist. My mom asked them to run tests, but they refused and didn't even examine me. The only treatment they gave me was to try taking probiotics, more specifically, try the probiotic Align. After doing some research on Align, I discovered that it contained lactose and an alarming amount of chemicals. I refused to put it in my body.
My visit to the Gastroenterologist left me feeling hopeless and crazy. I felt like my symptoms were running my life and there was nothing that could be done for me. I knew that thousands and millions of people had IBS and I wondered if they were experiencing the same thing. Assuming they were, I began studying people more closely at restaurants or at the grocery store. Were they running to the bathroom every five minutes? Were they watching what they ate or what they ordered? Did they have a complicated order, like I did, that substituted or eliminated certain items? Did they look like they felt uncomfortable all the time? My answers to all of these were no. Everyone seemed to live "normal lives."
In July, my mom suggested giving up gluten in addition to my already restricted diet. With the rise of gluten related gastrointestinal problems, I figured this too was worth a shot. I explored different recipes and found many options that unlike the stereotypes, actually tasted good! Again, my symptoms did not improve. I developed a regular exercise routine, desperately hoping for some symptom relief, but all that did was cause me to lose more weight than I wanted to, not help my symptoms.
That September, we threw a huge birthday party for my grandmother. At the party I ate fruit and guacamole because that's all I could eat with my diet restrictions. Later that afternoon, I had an extreme, surprise diarrhea attack. I hadn't even been constipated before hand. This time, there was blood. Lots and lots of blood. My mom took me straight to the emergency room and they said I needed to go back to my gastroenterologist immediately.
This time, the gastroenterologist finally decided to run tests. They ran blood work for a dairy allergy, wheat/gluten allergy, celiac disease, crohns disease, and a stool sample. Everything came back normal, including the allergy testing. However, it had been three, or more, months since I had dairy or gluten in my system. When we asked if this would affect the results of the test they told us no. They explained to us that the blood I saw was just a common symptom of IBS and I shouldn't worry. As long as I wasn't seeing it all the time, it was okay. How can that much blood be okay? A question I have still not received an answer for.
After this appointment I became depressed. I felt like my symptoms were running my life. I based every activity I did off of them. I was an active member of the band and I was the school mascot, but Friday night football games became a chore. I was 15 and I felt like I had no life. I wouldn't go out with friends because I was afraid that I would have a bathroom issue. Some of them I opened up to about it and they turned it into a joke and made fun of me. I began to see myself as "fat" when I was constipated and I started eating less and less. My lunch everyday was an apple with peanut butter and I rarely ate dinner. When I would have my diarrhea attacks I would look like a walking skeleton. This is what lead to my decision to switch to cyber school...
Cyber School:
My decision to switch to cyber school was not an easy one. Because of my struggle with IBS, I would have to leave class to go to the bathroom and either end up going to the nurse afterwards, or walking uncomfortably into class 20-40 minutes later.I spent up to 2 hours per day in the nurses office and I was sent home at lest once a week. I had never been sent home sick from school prior to my freshmen year. I would come to school late many days because I began to develop anxiety about where and when I would get an "IBS attack," as I called them. This anxiety would initiate an IBS attack, and the cycle continued. Some days I missed school all together because I couldn't even bring myself to go. My grades dropped drastically and I began to fall behind so much that it was nearly impossible for me to make up the work, which caused me even more stress and anxiety.
On top of being sick, I grew some more and I was tall and very thin. Rumors began to go around that I was anorexic and I was bullied both in school and online. I deleted both my twitter and instagram accounts but that didn't stop them. I was talked about and looked at and even threatened in the cafeteria because I brought "weird" food or I hardly brought anything at all. I began to eat lunch in the band room but soon got in trouble for that and so the bathroom became my lunch room.
The school eventually told me that no matter how sick I was, I was no longer allowed to go to the nurses office or be sent home. I would just sit in the bathroom if I was sick or in pain. If I was to the point where I could not function or stand up, I called my mom from the bathroom and she came and got me..which I would later get in trouble for. I even received a detention for missing so many school days, even though my absences had been excused. We disputed it with the principal and I didn't have to serve it. It would have been my first detention. I was being punished for something that was out of my control.
I had lost my spirit, confidence, and vitality. I knew I needed help and fast. I went see a school guidance counselor who contacted my mom. She told me I need professional help and that my mom needed to think about alternate means of education. I was sent to a psychologist and we started exploring the option of homeschooling. My psychologist was against pulling me out of school and thought I needed to stay. He diagnoses me with stress and anxiety (duh!) and was of no help. I finally told my mom that I couldn't go back to school. I felt like I was suffocating and like school was a prison.
My mom went to talk to the principal about my health, bullying situations, and lunch room problems. The principal responded by saying that they have had students with IBS before, it wasn't that big of a deal, and that I just wanted "special treatment." My mom demanded a solution for the lunchroom problem, at least. He said that I could either eat lunch in the cafeteria or the In School Suspension (ISS) room. I was not okay with either one of those options.
Infuriated, my mom worked to set up a homeschooling option for me. The curriculum was set, the paper work filled out...and then we found out that I would have to have an actual teacher because my mo was not qualified to fulfill that position. The next option was Home Bound schooling but that was only if a doctor signed something saying that I was incapable of attending school, which was not true in my case. I felt stuck again.
Finally, we looked into cyber school. I was not very open to it due to the reputation that cyber schools have, but it was a way out, which is what I needed.
On a Friday in the beginning of January, we told the school district that we were looking into cyber schooling. For some reason, they were very helpful this time. All weekend we prayed. On Monday, we received a phone call from the school district saying that the next day (Tuesday) would be my last day of school due to the end of the first semester, and I would not begin cyber school until the 22nd of January. That meant that I had more than a 2 week break. Finally, I was standing in the light at the end of the tunnel.
Cyber School was the best thing that I have even done. My teachers were exceptional and I truly felt like they cared about me and my education. I made it a point to have strong relationships with each one, and to communicate with them, almost excessively, about my progress. I feel that I am more prepared for my future now, than I would have been if I had stayed at a brick and mortar school. Cyber School taught me more than just the curriculum. Within in my first week of school, we saw drastic improvement in my time management, responsibility, focus, and self-motivation, because all of a sudden, I was in charge and responsible for my own progress and education.
I was able to take time for myself and take a step back from all my stress and anxiety. As time went on, my vitality, confidence, and health was restored and has never before been as vigorous as it is now.
I graduated with honors from Agora Cyber Charter school an entire year early. I decided to take a year off in order to explore all my options and opportunities, but now I will be studying sustainability, holistic and alternative medicine, and business at Goddard College.
I do some modeling and I recently competed in the Miss Pennsylvania Teen USA 2015 pageant. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT a "pageant girl," but I decided to compete as a symbol of how far I've come in my recovery and to prove my strength to myself.
Through my coaching and preparation for the pageant, I had to decide upon a platform. This proved to be a challenge for me because there are so many social and ethical justice issues within our society that it is nearly impossible for me to simply choose one. I believe that an individual’s platform should be, or at least reflect, their lifestyle. After much consideration and contemplation of how I would incorporate my lifestyle into a comprehensible platform, I decided upon the phrase “Consciousness; Health, Social, and Environmental.” And that’s exactly what I intend on continuing to study and practice.
I continue to share my story and my passions online, via essays and articles, and public speaking. I have expanded my passion for anti-bullying by supporting the anti-photoshop and the fair trade, local business, and made in the USA movements. I find it hypocritical to advocate against bullying, yet wear clothing that was produced in a sweatshop or support a company who neglects to enforce ethical business or social justice practices. I also believe that when an adolescent sees and compares themselves to a photoshopped model, they create an unrealistic expectation for themselves which is self-deprecation and essentially the same thing as bullying.
I am so very grateful for my experience in a brick and mortar school and I would not change a single thing about it. If I hadn't gone through my struggle then I would not be who I am or where I am today. I said above, my past story and struggle have ended and it is time for me to turn my mess into my message and be that "help along the way" for someone else.
I still have IBS and I always will, but I have been able to control my symptoms by listening to and honoring my body. Rarely do I have an attack and when I do, I now know how to handle it. I still eat a plant-based diet and I do a regular yoga practice, which has really helped my symptoms.
I have learned to really listen to my body when it comes to decisions and stress. I treat IBS as a form of communication and really try to follow my "gut instinct" (sometimes with difficulty) because your gut will never lie to you or lead you astray. When something doesn't feel right or if I notice a repeated pattern of IBS symptoms then I have to put my ego aside, stop trying to control, and start listening. Almost immediately my symptoms will disappear again.
I have also learned to be open about my IBS. A lot of times, I would be embarrassed by IBS or if I would spend a long time in the bathroom. Fact is, everybody shits. But just almost everything else, it is a different experience for each person. I had to get over the socially constructed definitions of what is "proper" or "improper" and stop judging myself for something that I can't control and is very real. I have always had the motto "Do it, rock it, own it," and that's exactly what you have to do with something like IBS.
Nothing says better than Elsa does in Frozen:
"Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you alway have to be
Conceal don't feel, don't let them know
Well, now they know!
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!
I don't care
What they're going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!"
Switching To Vegetarianism, Veganism, and A Gluten Free Diet:
For me the switch to vegetarianism was a clean cut. I didn't gradually stop eating meat, I just stopped. I didn't even think about it. It wasn't difficult at all. I think about two months went by when I realized "Oh! I haven't eaten meat in two months!" It's one of those things that is different for each person, but if you're thinking about going the vegetarian route, do not fear! I have faith in you! And I can guarantee you, you will feel so much healthier and have more energy than you ever imagined!
Similarly, becoming vegan was the same way for me. Like I said above, I am what I call a "part-time vegan." I still eat fresh seafood, eggs (only if I know how where they come from, how the hens are treated, and what they are fed) and raw honey on occasion. Some people call it "strict vegetarianism" or "restricted vegetarianism" and simply vegetarianism, but to me, its veganism. So when I switched, I really only gave up dairy which was also a clean cut. Like vegetarianism, it wasn't hard for me to do so. In fact, it was pretty easy and kind of a relief.
Becoming gluten free...now that was more difficult. I absolutely love any kind of baked good, pastry, bread...ANYTHING. I have the biggest sweet tooth ever. The beginning of my journey into the gluten free world was a tough one. They only grocery stores we have around us are Walmart, Giant, and Weis, which had not yet begun to carry most of their gluten-free products. Our only hope was Wegman's which is a good 30-40 minutes away.
Once I became used to the lack of gluten (which I had to slowly stop eating. This was NOT a clean cut) it became easier and easier to make meals. Our local grocery stores began carrying more gluten free products which made my life so much easier.
I began to discover a new level of energy I previously didn't know existed. I felt healthier and so much better! However, I have not fully figured out my body's gluten sensitivity yet. If I eat gluten regularly then I don't feel well, but if I don't have a little bit of gluten every few weeks or months, then I also feel sick. All I have figured out is that if something doesn't feel right in my intestines, then I should eat a little gluten and I'll feel fine. I do not keep a food journal because I lack the time or patience. For the most part, except for the occasional gluten confusion, I know the relationship between what I eat and my IBS symptoms. Plus, I simply do not agree with tracking how much I eat or how many calories I eat. I am very healthy and I know that. If I want something, I'm going to eat it.
Overall, I absolutely love the diet I'm on and I wouldn't change it. Yes, I have moments where I really want something I shouldn't have, but let's be real here..who DOESN'T have those moments? Unless you were raised vegetarian, vegan or gluten free, that is. The only thing I find myself NOT missing is meat. Meat is something that has begun to sicken me. Even the smell of it. I don't mind if people eat it around me, I just don't want to eat it. I find it disgusting.
I love cooking and baking with my diet now and teaching others how to do it too. When baking, I try to exclude all forms of cane sugar. I love the challenge and I feel healthier when I do so. It's also super fun for me to see what I can come up with using sugar substitutes. I challenge myself to see if I can make an imitation of a recipe or to see if I can make something incredible using only 3-5 ingredients. I have also enjoyed seeing people's reactions to the food I make.
Eating out is often a challenge, however most restaurants nowadays have options that will accommodate my diet or a similar diet. I always ask for an allergen menu and if they don't have specific gluten-free or vegan options then I will order a variety of side dishes plainly cooked. I inform my waiter/waitress of my "allergies" and request that my vegetables be steamed and cooked in an olive oil or equivalent instead of the commonly used butter. Most restaurants use a dairy-free cooking oil to begin with. I also make sure that I do my research ahead of time and know what my options are ahead of time, that way I don't hold up the rest of my table or I can make a quick decision when traveling.
As time goes on, this stuff becomes second nature and it is VERY worth it. Trust me.
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If you have any questions or comments about my story, health, schooling, diet, etc., please contact me. I will do my best to answer them or make a post answering them. If you have had a similar situation or experience and would like to share it with me, please feel free to. I would LOVE to here it and know that I'm not alone and let you know that you aren't alone.
Finally, I will leave you with my favorite quote that I basically live by and I think everyone should consider in everything the do:
"In every situation you have 3 choices: you can let it define you, you can let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you." ~Unknown
That's all for now mates!
The Pirate Princess
~Natalie Westling
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